


Dream a life

by ARMEN15



Category: Brokeback Mountain (2005)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-06
Updated: 2018-04-10
Packaged: 2019-04-19 05:07:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14229942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ARMEN15/pseuds/ARMEN15





	1. Chapter 1

Title: Random  
Disclaimer: the talented Mrs. Proulx owns them, no copyright infringement, no commercial purpose, only my mind wandering.  
This is a short one-shot, a journey in Ennis mind after he sends away Jack after the divorce news.  
\--------------------

I can’t.  
Can’t move.  
Can’t breathe  
Can’t think.  
Tonight.  
I got only pain inside me.  
I sent him away. I did it. I did it for good.  
He simply resigned but I saw he was deeply hurt.  
Eyes closed to hide tears and lost dreams.  
Mouth so thin, missed those soft lips over mine.  
He walked like an old man; he really seemed an old man.  
And it’s all my fault.  
I understand it now, after going out and having lunch with my girls, chatting with them.  
I was a ghost between them, an hollow man.  
It’s only 10 pm now. It seemed a whole night had passed.  
I need him, now.  
My heart is beating too strong, wants to explode and end this useless life.  
I am useless now, my girls are grown up They love me but don’t need me like they did years ago.  
I live in a bare trailer, no money, a cheap job and I miss a simple human touch.  
I’m turning in my bed like a ball.  
Can’t sleep.  
In my dreams he shines, like the sun over those mountains we know so well.  
If I close my eyes I see him, if I open them I see myself and I won’t accept what I am?  
Or what I have become.  
I’m a man who has lost all his values, the few I treasured since I was young.  
To be a good father, a good husband, to love somebody as everybody deserved.  
Because I love somebody but I don’t deserve him.  
All my life I was wrong, I’ve built my adult life lying to me.  
My body tried to warn me once, when I first left him, but I was too proud then and I was damn deaf today.  
I haven’t really listened to him, only heard words from his mouth that I’ve already decided to ignore.  
Where has he gone?  
Back home, a home he hates?  
To his folks? Maybe only to sleep in a bed.  
I’m going crazy not knowing where he is now.  
I could get up, take my hat and start the engine but where would I go to find him?  
I can’t follow, he is hours ahead and I don’t know which road he took.  
And if I write a letter, explaining how I miss him, how much do I need to say?  
I’m not able to write properly, nobody ever taught me.  
At school, those teachers didn’t think I was worth teaching new things.  
Nobody believed in me, except him, my only friend, but he’s more than a friend.  
He is my soulmate, kept hidden for more than ten years.  
Wait..I got his number.  
Where is it? It’s in this wallet somewhere. There it is, behind my driver’s license.  
When he gave it to me, that thin piece of paper, it burned in my hand.  
I was so afraid to have the number with me, but I was only stupid. A fool.  
A number can harm nobody.  
Now I understand what I refused to my soul.  
A small word,love.  
Yes I can call him, at work, it would be safe. And we’ll see.  
If I call him things can change, there’s a small hope.  
I can sleep tonight, because I know what to do, now.


	2. Chapter 2

This piece of paper weight a ton in my hand.  
Never imagined it would be so precious, like diamonds, like gold.  
And i never had something made of gold, except my wedding ring.  
That now is hidden in a drawer.  
I’ve walked the hardest steps in my life, from my truck to this phone booth.  
With the weight of a number in my hand.  
Head spinning, mind watering, am I a man or an ice cream, like those mint ones my girls eat when we go out?  
I feel my legs trembling and I got to steady myself using a mail box.   
The cold metal is good for me, I can feel something real.  
This small space is suffocating and smells of piss and litter.  
But it’s the only available one.  
Don’t want to drive 12 miles to reach another.  
Now decide, Ennis, it’s only a number to deal.  
Take the receiver, put it near your ear and use your fingers to compne that damned number.  
Do it!  
You know it will be a secretary answering, it’s always so with businessmen.  
“I’d like to talk with Mr Twist, please. I’m an old friend of his from Wyoming.”  
The phrase is printed in my brain like a burning brand.  
I need to seem strong or she’ll never let me reach Jack.  
And I need him like water and sun and air and my soul, he’s the only thing I got, and if I loose him I’d be forever lost.  
Needed a divorce and Jack’s desperate gaze to understand it.  
I’m the most stupid man in the world.  
The line is free.. and her voice is so sweet, like a flower slowly opening its crown to let me enter in her sacred office.  
“Newsome equipment, may I help you?”  
“I’d l’ke to speak w’th Jack Twist, please.”  
Superb Delmar, speak slower or she’ll never understand you.  
“Your name, please?”  
Gosh... forgotten to prepare this answer.  
“Delmar, from Wyoming.”  
My mouth is so dry I could use it to affilare knifes.  
“Wait a moment please.”  
She’s gonna calling Jack for me...cant’believe.  
I’m shaking my head and it seems a piston moving too fast.  
This receiver I’m grabbing is the only thing that keeps me up while there is music somewhere down in Texas.  
“Jack Twist, may I help you”  
My knucles are white and my hand is bolodless, while Jack speaks to me, but he doesn’t know it’s me.  
Could be whatever current customer he’s used to relate with.  
I breathe and I’m sure he can hear me, lungs are burning and I feel the bad smell of every cigarette I’ve smoled in my life.  
“Hallo Jack.”  
Will he recognize me immediately or I’d have to show myself painfully and feeling a fool?  
“Is that you Ennis, really you?”  
I love that voice more than those of my girls, I’m a sinner but for him I could climb a mountain without food or water.  
I need to tell tell tell explain...now.  
“Yes Jack, it’s me. I need to talk with you.”


End file.
